We had three babies. That was a long time ago. I would sit in the recliner and hold all three of them on my lap at the same time. They were totally dependent upon us and we loved them dearly. Still do.
We blinked our eyes. Now they are 16, 18 and almost 20. One in college, the second leaving for college this fall. All of them are driving now.
Passages. Where did the time go? I struggle with many feelings. I am proud of them. I am happy for them. I am concerned for them. And I am sad. Sad for myself. It is an interesting process to adapt to the changes that life brings you.
They are becoming little adults. They are going to make their own decisions. Some decisions I will like, and some I won't. I believe that the core problem for me at this time of life is me. I cant control them, and I dont want to. They have the right to make their own decisions and they will make them whether I like it or not. I have to get used to this. If I don't adapt, then my relationship with them is about me and that is not healthy. I dont want to be the parent who is constantly trying to manipulate the adult kids to come over for Christmas on a certain day, at a certain time. I need to get a life.
I have to keep reminding myself that there is life on the other side of raising children. There are good things ahead, just as there are good things behind. I want to transition this passage, painful as it is, in a way that is healthy for my family. Those of you who have been thru this, I covet your advice.
Its a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
3 comments:
Dear Jeff:
Today is a happy but difficult day in my world. My stepson is graduating from high school tonight. I have known him since he was 5 years old; his father and I have been divorced for a year. This feels like the end of something, the end of his childhood(he has enlisted in the Army), the end of part of what my marriage was. It's also a beginning of a purpose in his life, and an adult relationship between us. I think kids need to know their parents are there behind them as they spread their wings to explore the world. A parent's love isn't supposed to strangle or disable; and parents are supposed to have ways to meet their own needs other than their children. "If you love something, let it go free". It hurts sometimes, but I will not do to my stepson what was done to me. I do not need my stepson to remain a child so I can feel like a parent. He needs me to model Gods love and acceptance of myself exactly as I am right now. That's the best parent I can be.
Dear Jeff,
I agree wholeheartedly with Inky Lynn -- I especially like the part about not "strangling." The most long-lasting lessons I've learned in life have been those learned the hard way -- didn't listen to my parents, plunged forward, and lived through it. I think that's the best gift we parents can give to our adult children -- the freedom to live their own lives and learn from their own mistakes (even though you just KNOW how it's going to turn out). The 2nd best gift is not telling them "I told you so." My adult children know that if they ask for my opinion, I'm more than happy to share it -- but I have to be asked!
Every stage of parenting has its rewards and challenges. Having adult children is the best stage yet. (But what do I know -- I've thought EVERY stage was the best yet! Ok, maybe not the teenage stage.....)
Life takes such interesting twists and turns -- who knows what adventures await you & Cathy?
Blessings, Fern
These were some nice entries to read from others going through what I am just starting. I have a 17yo that knows all the buttons to push. Man is it hard to watch. I'm so relieved that when I re-read the "instruction manual " that came with the child no where in it could I find the rule "NO CRYING AS YOU WATCH YOUR CHILD FAIL" Thank you Lord. To think I did this to myself and I have 4 more to go is exasperating. The hardest thing to do is to let it go free. Thanks for the strong words--man I love this blog thing!!!
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