Thank you Lion's Den Man for posting the last couple of days. I am back, at least for today. One day at a time, didn't someone say that?
It's a new year, and I have a new prayer.
I go into the room and I turn on the lights and I begin: "O Lord, I have turned on the lights so that you can be sure to see me. CAN YOU SEE ME? I am talking loudly so that you can be sure to hear me. CAN YOU HEAR ME? Please come out from where ever you are and listen to my prayer. I need you. My loved one needs you. Please help them please bless them. From the bottom of my heart my tears are pouring out to you. I am sobbing in the lowest places. I am begging you to act on behalf of the one whose name I am calling. I trust you. I love you. I need you. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for loving my loved one even more than I do. I know that you see them. Please go to them and touch them. Heal them. Thank you. I will be back in a bit. Amen."
I don't know if God hears desperate prayers more than he hears casual prayers, but I hope so. I am offering what I have and trusting in Him.
It's a new year and a new day, a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
4 comments:
"Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has made you to be." - Rob Bell.
Scott's job is the relentless pursuit of who God has made him to be. That isn't a job you can take on, no matter how much you want to.
Jeff, I sooo feel your pain. I find myself going into deep depression in regard to my children's actions and the paths they are choosing in life. I tend to blame myself for their actions even though I know that is not necessarily the case. I constantly ask myself, what could I have done differently? I don't know or maybe I do but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. As you, I pray to God with a deep passion to please help my children understand that they will never be content with life unless they allow Jesus to be the most important person in their life. In the meantime, I have to stand by and observe them make many life-changing mistakes; making many of the same mistakes that I made. Just as you, I walk around with a dark cloud over me almost all the time but as one of the comments said in a previous post, I smile and say everything is fine. In reality I am dying inside. I don't know what you are experiencing but my heart aches for you Jeff and I feel as one with you. God bless you Jeff and God give you strength. You will be in my prayers as I reach out to God in prayer numerous times during the day whether at work or at home.
I prayed desperate prayers for many years about our son. To be honest, I never thought he would turn his life around. We had years of daily trials with him, beyond what most people could imagine. We questioned all the things we had done as parents. We were good parents, but we had a kid who absolutely would not do anything except what he wanted to do and most of it was wrong. Fast forward about 14 years and this son is becoming the man we always hoped he would be. I wake up every morning thanking God for the changes He and our son made in his life. But during those really difficult 14 years, it was tough to be grateful and thankful when it came to our son. We had to focus on all the blessing we had and there were many. Unfortunately, at times, those blessings didn't seem all that great when our son, who we loved so much, was going against every value we had tried to instill in him. It hurt like heck. We let him know in the strongest ways possible that we did not approve of what he was doing, we did not support him and we let him go through some very difficult experiences without bailing him out. We did, however, love him and hung in with him and today, we have our reward. One day, not long ago, my son called and said he wanted to thank me. I asked him what for. He said he would have never made it to the place he is now without my love and moral support. I know God loves each of us more than we can imagine and he never gives up on us. We have to do the same with our kids.
I know what you are going through just rips you and Cathy apart. I know that pain and I pray that you will be able to get through it because it is hard and it hurts so much because it is your kid and you love him.
I just posted on your blog and I realized after I sent it that I did not post my name. I am fairly certain you can figure it out as I hope you don't know too many people who have a kid named Scott who was such a mess for 14 years besides me.
Becky
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