The problem of pain

I am going to write this week on the problem of pain.  I have posted this before, but it is well worth remembering from time to time.  I tend to forget important things.

This is a reminder to me and to all of us that sometimes we just need to close our mouths.  Our words add nothing to many situations, and sometimes our words make things worse.

Here are some things that should not be said to someone that is grieving.  Simply let them grieve.  It is ok to grieve.  We need to grieve.  Just be there with them.  The ministry of just being present is so important.

What you should never say to others who are grieving. This is the uncut, unedited version and I am very sorry for much of it.

from The New York Times, December 7, 1999.
To a 60-year-old recent widow: Don't worry. You're young and attractive; you'll find someone else. To a woman whose husband died of lung cancer: You have to meet this man. His wife also died of lung cancer. To a man whose 26-year-old daughter died of AIDS: If she hadn't been that way, God wouldn't have struck her dead with AIDS, and It was just a purification thing. To a woman who suffered a miscarriage: It is probably for the best. To a woman whose 25-year-old son was killed by a drunken driver: At least you have four other children. To a man whose elderly mother died: Oh, well, 79. To a young man whose 19-year-old brother died of cancer: I know how you must feel losing a brother. And to the boy's mother: I know it's not the same, but I really empathize because I lost my dog. To a woman whose husband committed suicide: Are you going to get a dog now?
-Jane E. Brody, Mourning, a time when words often fail,
The New York Times, December 7, 1999.

Here are some other things that I have personally heard – not helpful
1. It must have been their time
2. Everything happens for a reason
3. God doesn't put more on us than we can take [actually based on a scripture, but still not helpful.]
4. It was gods will
May we all remember to guard our tongues. May we remember that the gift of our presence, the gift of a hug, the gift of food. Is the best gift in times of pain.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.