This is from one of my oldest friends. We became friends when we were 22. He is such a good man and he has had some very difficult things happen in his life. I don't see him very often these days, but I do love him very much. Last year his son died of an overdose, he was 30 years old. Here is what my friend wrote:
Guilt is , umm, interesting. It can be very, very heavy, at least in my experience. I am in an almost constant internal debate about my son’s death and my part in it. It makes no logical sense but it remains just the same. People say, ” Hey, he was 30 years old. 30 year old people make their own choices.” So I nod as my internal antagonist says, “OK, I can buy that, but what about before he was 30. There must have been something I could have done. Maybe when he was 20 or 15 or 10 or …….” When I voice that thought people say, “I don’t believe that but what is it that you think you should have done?” I reply, “Well, umm, something more than I did.” Most of my answers require the ability to see into the future and since I cannot do that it makes no sense to feel guilty, and yet…..
When I get to moments that I don’t feel guilty than the question arises [in my head] that if it is not my fault [the loss of my son] than whose fault is it? The early and most used, probably, villain is God. I think there is a part of me that would rather feel guilty than to truly believe God did this. Assigning the responsibility to the dearly departed [my son] is a very difficult and hurtful thing. There is a part of me that would rather feel guilty than to truly believe that my son is. If addiction is a disease, and I believe it is, then how do you blame someone for having a disease? The alcohol lead to poor thought processes that lead to lethal choices on that particular night. Then there is the, “Well, it is nobody’s fault. These things just happen sometimes.” Well, it is certainly true that things happen but most things, if not all, are cause and effect at some level somewhere.
God doesn’t need to be into guilt. Us humans can do that to ourselves quite effectively.
I like this quote
“Was it you or I who stumbled first? It does not matter. The one of us who finds the strength to get up first, must help the other.” ― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration
I would comment on my friends words. First of all, there are tragic experiences that come to some humans in this life. We others, can watch from the sidelines, but we have no idea of their grief. We have not walked in their shoes. I pray that my friend can heal. I pray that everyone that hurts can heal.
It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.
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