When ministers quit, I almost always feel a sadness. For the church, for the disillusionment that everyone feels, and especially for the grief, pain and suffering that the minister feels.
Being an honest guy, I like to say that Monday, Wednesday and Friday I want to quit. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday I have the best job in the world. On Sunday, it doesn't matter how you feel, you just have to get up and do you job. God be with us.
If you are a minister, you know it is true. There are things that happen that make you want to quit. Maybe you are being worked over by a parishioner. Maybe the church can't pay it's bills. Maybe you are comparing yourself to other pastors and become discouraged because it doesn't seem that you are as successful as they have been. You get tired of living in a glass house. You get tired of being judged. You get tired of not being able to make everyone happy. Mostly, I think you grow tired of being expected to inspire everyone at least once per week.
The pressure on a minister is heart and soul pressure. It all boils down to a feeling that you have put your best spiritual stuff on the line and it hasn't been enough. You opened your heart and showed your innermost being, and you met rejection. That hurts. That is why pastors quit.
Every year at Annual Conference, we read the names in the clergy report of those who have taken a leave or surrendered their credentials. Even when it is for a good reason, I always feel sad. Some very bright, talented, called men and women have dropped out of the ministry over the years and it makes me sad.
This year, a friend of mine took a leave of absence. Awesome fellow, great heart. Out. Ouch. Last week I heard of a well known minister of another denomination who suddenly let his friends know that he was leaving the church, and leaving the ministry. Out. Ouch. A friend warned me about taking a renewal leave. He told me that it was during his renewal leave that he decided to leave the pastoral ministry. He is out now. Ouch.
Have you ever wondered what happens to pastors that leave the ministry? Who would hire them? When you see on someone's resume that they used to be a minister, well that scares most people. Employers are afraid that you are going to be judgemental or self-righteous. The sorrow that ministers feel when they are out of the ministry is deep. For the rest of their lives, most that I know of, are haunted by a feeling of failure. God called them, and somehow, they let him down. Let me tell you friends, that is not something that you want to be thinking about when you lay your head on your pillow at night.
When parishioners understand such things, then tend to be more understanding of their pastors. They do nice things for them and plant flowers in their yards.
When I was in seminary, I could not wait to be assigned to my first church. I was so excited, so hopeful. After two years, I was burned out and facing divorce. I was out of the ministry after that for a number of years. I thought that I would not miss being a pastor, but I did. I missed it furiously. I so wanted another chance to be in God's service full time.
Over the years, the experience of being out of the ministry and missing it, has helped me to deal with the ministry blues. I did leave once, and boy did I miss being a pastor.
Now I am on renewal leave and an interesting thing has happened. It has taken three weeks, but I have a feeling that I have not felt for years.
I miss being in ministry.
I miss being in the church. I miss being with all of you that I love so much. I feel like a kid in seminary again, I just can't wait until I am assigned to a church. I am so full of ideas, so full of hope, and so ready to go. I am sure that when I come back, I will drive some of you crazy.
There will be many other good things that come out of renewal leave. But if this were the only one, it has already been worth it. I will remember this time away, and how much my heart desired to return to the church.
We have much work to do together. I can't wait.
PS- if you are a former pastor and would like to return to ministry, I would love to try and help you. Give me a call at your convenience.
It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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5 comments:
Can't wait for you to be back. You have been missed!
Jeff . . . You are the best. You have a gift of blessing us with this blog and sharing your innermost, heartfelt thoughts. It's very awesome for US to be able to know what's inside your heart and brain and to be able to understand all that makes up YOU . . . just an all-around a great guy! I love your blog . . . most days I just cry when I read it. Thanks for the inspiration.
I was a young man...in a demanding position, perhaps a position too big for me at the time. One morning I had had enough and sat with a senior associate in the company, sharing my heart to depart...find something else to do.
Don just listened to me...no arguments. He was a wise man. I finished my story and we just looked at one another and then I put my head down. This wise man, some 30 years my senior, leaned across his desk and whispered, "Quit...just walk out, don't look back...shut the door behind you and drive away."
I couldn't believe he didn't argue with me. Wasn't I worth fighting for? Then he continued, sharing the secret, "Just don't tell anyone. Go to Loose Park. Sit under a tree. Smoke a cigar. Then, tomorrow morning, hire yourself back. No one needs to know that you quit." (Note: the cigar is not the key...rather the solitude.)
That advise stayed with me all these years...preventing me from commiting a lot of knee-jerk mistakes.
The next day was a better day. I did hire myself back. No one ever knew that I quit...now you know, but it doesn't matter.
Don gone...part of the 'great cloud of witnesses...' But, he lives on in my life. I still hear him.
I appreciate your blog today. There are days that we focus on the bad. Those are the days that we want to quit. Sometimes we depend on someone else to help us focus on the good. If no one steps up...we may become a casualty.
But, we are reminded everyday that "it's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good."
So...back to work, in this beautiful world of His.
Your friend
It was good to see you the other night at the ballpark, Cathy and Scott, too. Word got out you’d be there. Many people were there not just to watch games, but to see you... Many who wanted to come after hearing so couldn’t. We didn't get to talk but I did get an abrazo. Thank you. It was so very cool to see you out. We all miss you. Many lives you have touched in such a positive way. One would have been enough, you know that.
I pray that all those who have left the ministry know that they did do a good job, they answered the call and I have no doubt, regardless of their shortcomings or “failures”, that they made a positive impact in at least one person's life. It is a numbers game. I just think, at times, we tend to forget who designed that game and how the rules and strategy for winning works. One at a time. Then the one moves on to the next and so on and so on…..……
Peace,
Lion's Den Man
I second that... Seeing you at the games the other day really was great... It has always impressed me that you have always remembered my name and take time out to get to know me a bit... Your kindness and faith touches many as my family and I have recently come to notice... We hope to see you on Sunday's more often...
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