Steven Wright

Steven Wright is a comedian with a bad, dry, odd sense of humor.
I love it!
He was my buddy Dan Horn's favorite comedian.

three of the best guys that I know
Gary Glenn, Tyler Stephenson, Dan Horn

I think of him so often [Dan] I just thought that I would post some of this...

Here is some Steven Wright stuff...

"So, do you live around here often?" -- Steven Wright

I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She
said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said,
"They're behind the couch." And they were! -- Steven Wright

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
I was an only child....eventually. -- Steven Wright

[Referring to a glass of water:]
I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
-- Steven Wright

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet
Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
-- Steven Wright

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes... -- Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. -- Steven Wright

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?"
I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar." -- Steven Wright

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.
-- Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues
that are in all the other museums. -- Steven Wright

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings...
Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire. -- Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered
French Toast during the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
-- Steven Wright

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt
dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" -- Steven Wright

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said,
"ten-four." -- Steven Wright

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was
locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He
said, "Yes, but not in a row." -- Steven Wright

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they
can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me
what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium." -- Steven Wright

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's
free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything today.
-- Steven Wright

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting
Slinkies on the escalator. -- Steven Wright

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were
trapped on the escalators. -- Steven Wright

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap
department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know
when to stop unwrapping. -- Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same
room and let them fight it out. -- Steven Wright

It's a beautiful day in God's world be sure to see the good.
Send replies to jsbrink57@gmail.com

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I am leading a trip to Ireland in July... If you are interested in reading about it, or joining in, the link is below.....

Treasures of Ireland
July 13-22, 2020
http://www.eo.travelwithus.com/tours/ir20071320a17768#eotours