If this is boring you, this is killing me.
Day after day, for 13 days in 2005 I was thinking about things that no one wants to think about ever.
On Monday, September 19th 2005 I am waiting for a call from the doctor's office to see if my blood has tested positive for lung fungus. We wait all day and hear nothing. We continue to pray for fungus.
That night I was at another UMC and made a 2 hour presentation on missions and our church's permission giving structure.
The kids.
Let me tell you something that was horrible about this ordeal. Its about the kids. What do kids do with news like this? My kid's reaction surprised me. They withdrew. They were too afraid and too worried to talk with me. They talked to their Mom a ton during this time, but they withdrew from me. They just went about their business and didn't stop to talk.
It crushed me. I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to know that they were ok. I wanted to encourage them.
They were sad little babies with broken hearts. They couldn't deal with it. I hated the feeling of being separated from them, but I understood. They were doing what they needed to do to cope.
Parents have to let their kids grieve in their own way. That was one of the really sorry parts of the entire experience.
Monday, September 19th, 2005. That was then. This is now. Thank God.
Its a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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4 comments:
Jeff-- painful, not boring. Your detailed description of what you went through and dealt with is painful to read. This is not the first time you have made me cry... Thank you for your sensitivity. That is what makes YOU YOU.
Jeff,
ZZZZZZ…………..ZZZZZZZZ………….ZZZZZZZZZ
Smile. Just kidding!
I have been reading these posts each day. It does not bore me. It weighs heavy on me. I agree with Terry. It is hard to hear painful information about someone you care for and I’m sure it takes a lot for you to re-live it and tell us the details of that time in your life. I wonder if, during that time, your family and close friends still felt somewhat like “outsiders”. They might be hearing some of this for the first time, as well. When a world gets turned upside down it is hard to grasp and digest everything as it is happening. Details, emotions and such…….
I also think it is one thing to be there and share an experience and another to live it. I would not be surprised if in 10, 20, or 30 years from now this experience will still carry the same weight for you as it does today. For others it will come up in conversation as “remember the time when Jeff……….”
I am not sure where I am going with this. I just pray I always remember that I walk in my shoes not someone else’s. That I can share, but never pretend or think I know. I think it is important to remember these things when we minister to people in troubled times.
Peace,
Lion’s Den Man
But isn't that exactly what it's all about? Our pain and experiences ministering to others? I feel like I have walked through fire the last year, but I know I will survive and I know I have been able to share my pain to the benefit of other's... sometimes we cry together... It has made me love more and strive to be better. I read today about the thorn in Paul's side that he prayed over and over for God to remove and God said NO. God led me to that today and showed me that without that thorn in my life I would not continue to pursue him, learn about him, cry out to him. I wish I wouldn't have had so much pain but I like the person God is creating in his image, and I pray I can do HIM justice.
Jeff,
I have read every entry.
Dont think for a second that
people dont want to hear this.
It is good for us all to hear and
reflect upon. It is also hard to
come up with an insightful comment.
I want to hear more.
Thanks
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