stages of grief

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book entitled, On Death and Dying, introduced her five stages of grief.  I would like to add a sixth.

Here are her five stages:

1. Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
2. Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?".
3. Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise. For instance: "I'd give anything to have him back." Or: "If only he'd come back to life, I'd promise to be a better person!"
4. Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon, so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
   During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
5. Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it; I may as well prepare for it."
   In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions

I would like to add a stage six:  Savoring.  Yes that terrible thing happened.  Yes I am sick.  Yes so and so really did me wrong.  But as I move thru the stages and come to accept my current reality, I choose not merely to survive, but to savor the gift of my life.

I grieved the death of my father for years, but after a time, the grief turned to a savoring- a joyful gratitude for his life.  I hope not to simply be remembered when I am gone, I hope to be savored. 

May we learn to do more than tolerate life's difficulty.  May we learn to savor life along the way.  Oh what a joy it is!!!

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.




Travel with Pastor Jeff

Italy's Historic and Religious Sites
November 7-16, 2017
http://www.eo.travelwithus.com/tours/it17-brinkman-17768#eotours

Holy Land via Jordan
March 5-14 2018
http://www.eo.travelwithus.com/tours/hl18-brinkman-030518j-17768#eotours

Wesley's Ireland
October 8-17, 2018
http://www.eo.travelwithus.com/tours/wesley-in-ireland-2018-with-rev-jeff-brinkman#eotours