Lacking in candor. Insincere. Pretending. Not straightforward. Calculating. Disingenuous.
I remember the first time I ran into this behavior. I was in seminary. I was the youth director at a church outside of Tulsa and the pastor asked me to come to his office at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon. I asked if everything was ok. He said yes. Turns out there was a meeting with the staff parish [HR] chair. They were upset with me. I wasn't doing my job well enough because the son of the staff parish chair would not come to youth group. Now, the youth in question was a troubled kid who gave his parents fits. Somehow this became my fault.
The point of that story is that I was lied to. I was told one thing, when something else was going on. They knew it and just flat out lied to me.
I hate that.
It has not happened to me very many times since then, but it has happened to me twice this year. When I was the pastor of a large church and I had difficult conversations with staff or members, they always knew why they were coming in, and I always led with the truth, as graciously as was possible.
To be disingenuous with another only hurts them. It is using your power in a situation to sneak in and then to wound.
I am going to get over what happened to me, but please be real with people. Please be honest. Please be kind and gracious. When we are kind and gracious, it is much easier for us to sleep at night.
And it's still a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.
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