second half

My friend Bruce sent this meme to me.

The second half matters.  In a sporting game if you don't pay attention in the second half and the game is lost.  The second half of life is important too.  

We need to focus less on the pains of growing old.  We need to focus less on the things that have not turned out as we had wished.

Instead we need to realize that in the second half of life we have the chance to focus on what matters.  Bob Buford wrote a book called "Halftime."  In his book, he postulates that the first half of life is focused on success, as in making money.  The second half of life in his book is about "significance."

When I was young, I felt the pressure to make money and provide.  Somewhere along the way we wake up to the fact that we have a chance to make a difference.  To do significant things and to behave in significant ways.  This is not about money.  It is about seeing people and caring for them.

I know way too many people who are in their later years and still worried about money.  I know people worth millions who still don't think that they have enough.  This philosophy of scarcity will always get in the way of caring about people.

If you are in the second half of life, relax and enjoy it.  Find time, make time to reach out for other humans.  Make a difference in someone's world, one random act of kindness at a time.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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The Good Christian

The Good Christian

When I was a child, I was taught that good Christians do good things. That in order to please God and become holy, we needed to behave. We needed to do good. We needed to do something. This line of thinking made many of us quite miserable over the years because we could never be quite good enough. The teaching caused me and others to experience an abundance of guilt along the way.

For the record, I don’t think that God is into guilt.

What if being a good Christian is not really about doing, but about being. In other words, take the focus off of our behaviors and practices, and just live. Release yourself from your striving to be good and relax. Step out of your list of rules and be freed to see the good in the world.

Free yourself from the manipulative shoulds.

When a person is no longer working on overload to do, they can rest and live. When my worry about being good enough is out of the way, I can simply love. I am struggling to explain this, but I believe that there is a natural state of peace and joy that is too often squelched by our hard work at being good.

What would happen if we just relaxed and let lives of love happen. No pressure, no hurry, no worry, just love. Just be.

When we get to that state of peace in our hearts, all kinds of goodness and kindness will come out.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Why do I get sad?

A few weeks ago I posted about being sad and working to get glad.  A Cape Coral friend asked me why I get sad.

I think we all get sad from time to time, but here is my list.

My daughters have moved away.

I live far away from almost all of my friends.

Somethings in life have not turned out the way I had hoped.

There are imprints left on me from my upbringing that still sting.

In general, sometimes the world will not align itself to make me happy.

So I think we all have reasons to get sad.  The challenge is to not stay there.  Just as we get sad, we can get glad.  Focus on the good.  See the good.  The sun will come up tomorrow.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Oh wait! Thoughts for everyone

So I was having coffee with my friend Bruce. Who by the way is a fantastic human. He read yesterday's blog about thoughts for pastors. He called me out. He said, No, those are not thoughts for pastors, those are thoughts for everyone.

So I am going to do a brief re-write with everyone in mind.

Here are some things that I think are important for all humans to keep in mind.

1. model and express love at all times

2. Teach others to model and express love. In doing so, you are building the culture.

3. Work hard. Go the second mile. Set the example of sacrifice for the cause.

4. Take everyone in. Everyone matters. Learn their names.

5. Don’t run from problems, run to them. Find the unhappy person and do everything that you can to help them reengage.

6.  Be honest in your finances.  No secret accounts.  Don't hide expenses.

7. Never use people.  They are here to be loved, not used.

8. Be relevant and down to earth. Talk to the people like they talk to each other. Jesus did not talk down to anyone.

9. You cannot expect people to deliver a higher level of commitment then you deliver yourself.

10. Be willing to be helpful to anyone, anytime.

11. Show an interest in every group, even if you are not really interested in whatever that group is about. Go because you care about the people.

12. Participate in the management of resources in a way that saves for the future. Be frugal.

13. Stay on mission. Love God and love others.

14. Remember that you will not always be here. Your life is a gift from God and it does have an end date. Leave the world better than you found it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.
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Thoughts for Pastors

Thoughts for pastors

Recently a pastor asked for some general advice about leading a church.  Here are some random things that I think are important for pastors to keep in mind.

1.      model and express love at all times

2.      Teach others to model and express love.  In doing so, you are building the culture.

3.      Work hard.  Go the second mile.  Set the example of sacrifice for the cause.

4.      Take everyone in.  Everyone matters.  Learn their names.

5.      Don’t run from problems, run to them.  Find the unhappy person and do everything that you can to help them reengage.

6.      Provide complete and full disclosure of all financial information to all members and friends of the church.

7.      Never use the church for personal gain.

8.      Preach sermons that are relevant and down to earth.  Talk to the people like they talk to each other.  Jesus did not talk down to anyone.

9.      You cannot expect people to deliver a higher level of commitment then you deliver yourself.

10.   Go to the work days and participate.

11.   Show an interest in every group, even if you are not really interested in whatever that group is about.  Go because you care about the people.

12.   Participate in the management of resources in a way that saves for the future.  Be frugal.

13.   Stay on mission.  Love God and love others.

14.   Remember that you will not always be here.  A church is a baton to be passed on, not a trophy to put on your shelf.  Leave the place better than you found it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Young people and church

There is a lovely scene in the movie Sister Act where young people, dressed young, with piercings and tattoos open the back door of the church.   They have heard the new, heartwarming music and they want to come in.  Imagine that!!! Young people want to come into church.  Anyway, there is the beautiful moment where the priest, played by Joseph Maher, sees the young people open the door.  He goes to the pulpit and beckons them to enter.

Young people are opting out of church these days. There are understandable reasons for this.

What young people want in a church

• Everyone is accepted. Period.
• A focus on the value of a person not on their appearance or behavior.
• An eclectic openness to all people
• Worship times that are not on Sunday morning
• Sermons that make you think
• A non-defensive atmosphere
• An openness to new ideas

What young people find in church:

• Old ways
• Old ideas
• Old songs
• Closed and narrow minds
• Judgment
• Shame
• Power structures
• You’re sitting in my pew
• A focus on money

If we want to win young people to church, the church needs to change it's ways.  Let's stop blaming the young people.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Covid

So my daughter has covid-19 for the second time.  She is not very sick and we expect her to recover completely.  

I find it interesting that the pandemic has had various effects on people.  Some have died, some have recovered.  Some like me, have never had it, or if I did, I was asymptomatic.  

Some are fearful.  Some think that it is a hoax.

I find the safety precautions to be interesting.  Wear a mask.  Well, maybe masks are optional now.  Only use a sanitized pen.  Everything must be wiped down before you can use it.

And then I go to the doctor.  There is a sign on the door about social distancing.  They have sanitized pens and used pens.  But the handle to the door is touched by everyone.  The pen that you sign in with is used by everyone.  The staff is not wearing masks.

I was staying in a hotel last week in Knoxville TN.  There are signs about social distancing, but everyone touches the same elevator buttons.  The elevator, which is a "normal size" says that the capacity is 15.  I don't know how you would fit 15 people in this elevator.  Surely these days, we would, I would wait for the next one rather than press in with 14 others.

It is all so interesting... so perplexing.  So unprecedented.  I wonder about people during past pandemics, people during the middle ages.  Did they have any idea what was going on?  Did the news warn them like it does today?  No, they thought it was a judgement from God.  That is silly.

And so I guess this blog post is about how disheveled everything feels these days.  I hope we get back to normal soon.  But in the mean time...

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Die to self

Jesus taught that we should die to ourselves.  That means that we have to learn to be ok with things not going our way.  It means that we are invited to embrace change, discomfort and ultimately death.  We all know that we are going to die, but many of us act fearful and angry about it.  Like death would come to others, but never to me.  

Dear Lord, can I get a pass on the death thing?  Amen.

Sure there are some things that we should fight.  Injustice, illness and other things we should not just take.  But many times we push back against things in life that we need to learn to absorb.

To surrender to such things is a sign that we are melting into God.   And my friends, that is where and when we find the peace.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Regressive Memory Therapy

Regressive memory therapy

I was seeing a counselor a few years ago and she told me about RMT regressive memory therapy. The idea of this is that you remember the times that hurt, and still hurt…

When I was three years old and my Dad screamed at me on Easter Sunday.
When I got that anonymous letter in 2004
When I was 13 and my mom smacked me in the mouth
When someone wrote a book and said untrue and hurtful things about me.
When I was rejected by a church member or staff person.

Such things hurt.

In regressive therapy, the idea is that these things still hurt because part of us was “left behind” in those moments. Part of us, part of our hearts are still stuck there.

So in this therapy, you journey in your mind back to that moment. Take a plane, drive a car, and get to that time and place. Find the you that is there… say to yourself… “Jeff, look, it is me… do you see me? Do you see that I am you? Look, I know you are hurting now, but you will survive… I am proof. I am sorry that I left you behind. Come with me now. Join me in my heart and lets be together. Let’s be whole again.”

Repeat as necessary.

This approach to healing our memories has helped me a lot.
And I am still working on it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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I love Joy

I love Joy Steincross.  She came to us around 1996 and has been the accompanist at the piano ever since.  She can play anything.  She is so smart.  We worked together for 20 years and we got each other.  During worship, it was hand in glove.  She just could always tell what I was thinking.

I also love it that Joy gives me grief.  She is happy, funny and ornery.  I think it is a requirement to be my friend, that you have to make fun of me from time to time.  I was in church on Sunday December 19 for the first time in over five years.  I made a point of seeking Joy out.  I gave her a hug and then she said, "I am still mad at you."

Anyway, she is the best.

For Christmas, she put out a wonderful video of her telling a story about one of her Christmas memories.  The video is 8 minutes long, but friends, it is worth it.  Slow down, take a break and watch this.  You will be glad that you did.

click here to watch this touching video

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Ugly

Recently I was sitting at the table of a friend when the topic of being ugly came up.  Not ugly looking, but ugly acting.

We agreed that no matter what is going on, it doesn't have to be ugly.  It never has to be ugly.

Ugly is unnecessary.  Kindness is not that difficult to put on the table.

Never choose to be ugly.  Even in tough moments we can choose to be kind.

Nothing is helped by us being ugly.  Everything is helped when we show kindness.  Always choose kindness.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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More on friendship

One of my favorite movies of all times is Dances with Wolves.

During times of pain we lean on our friends for support.  I am thankful for my friends.  I often think of the final scene of the movie when Wind in his hair cries out from atop a bluff:

"Dances with Wolves
I am Wind in his Hair.
Do you see that I am your friend?
Can you see that I will always be your friend?"

Here is the video clip if you wish to watch it. Tell your friends that you love them.

click here to watch the scene

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Friends forever

A month ago I had breakfast with a friend. We spent a half hour catching up then he shared with me a grief.  One of his friends has set him aside - throwing him away. His "friend" told him that we can’t be friends anymore. 

That really hurts. I know that hurt because it happened to me many years ago. After my friend threw me away I grieved for a year, but I also actively worked to make new friends.  Whenever I sat down with the people that I was becoming friends with I told them that we had to make a deal.  You’ll be my friend forever. No matter what - I will not throw you away.  No matter what you will not throw me away.  I will always be there for you and you will always be there for me. 

It doesn't erase the hurt of losing a friend, but it makes the new relationships feel more secure.   Please don't ever throw your friends away.  Work thru it.  Relationships are too important.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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With

Profound thoughts from my friend Pat...

I recently heard a program on the Economist podcast about the increasing loneliness of people world wide. The problem is especially acute among American males: we don’t make or keep friends very well. SNL hit a nerve with this skit(a warning, its condescending(not crude) but art makes its point by being extreme: Here’s a link(its 2 minutes and funny) https://youtu.be/9XOt2Vh0T8w

The most important word in the Bible is not love, its with. Christ didn’t say, I love you, he said “I am with you”. You can’t see love: you can only see with. You can’t see beliefs, you can only see deeds.

If you haven’t recently, invite someone to coffee, or to play golf, or for lunch. (Start with small steps) If you’re turned down, try again, try elsewhere. Join a group, go to a lecture, talk to your neighbor, more; ask someone how they like their truck; volunteer, anywhere; call an old high school friend; join a book club; take your dog to the dog park; talk to the lady(or man) at QT; compliment a stranger; go outside and pick up trash; take your headphones off at the gym and ask someone about their workout; surprise someone with an unexpected gift; take an adult ed class on auto mechanics, or cooking, or whatever. If you need more ideas, write me(patstarke@msn.com)

These are a type of “deeds” Christ meant. Its how we can be with others. Do it every day, all day. Ignore failure. Sure you’ll skin your knees, but did that ever stop you from getting back on your bike? Too much fun to be had not to.

We are born with someone, we die alone. There’s no reason to start death early by self inflicted loneliness. God didn’t want us to be alone. That’s why he gave us the gift of each other. Shouldn’t you use his gifts?

Someone out there is waiting for you.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Jesus Wept

At my friend Chuck's memorial service the pastor mentioned the death of Lazarus.  It reminded me of the shortest scripture in the bible:   "Jesus wept."  John 11:35

The next verse is really cool,  "The Jews said, see how he loved him."  John 11:36

We all wept at Chuck's service.  We all loved him.  

People die all the time and we don't cry because we didn't know them.  But when someone that we love dies, we cry.  In fact, the depth of the tears, the depth of the grief is proportional to the size of the love.  If you are really hurting over something, there was most likely some pretty serious love.

Look how much we loved that person.  Look how much that relationship meant to us.

In your grief, I reach out to you with a hug.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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whoops

Good afternoon friends. I want to thank those of you who have offered to go visit Carlotta in the hospital. Evidently I spoke too soon. I was exercising wishful thinking. Due to the Covid up surge the hospital is not letting anyone in at this time. Thank you for your love

Love

Cathy and her mom Carlotta.

Sometime yesterday, my 86 year old mother in law, Carlotta Belcher fell down the stairs.  This is a half flight of stairs, but there is no carpet on them, they are wooden stairs.  She broke her face and her sinus cavity. She broke her hand.  She has a small brain bleed.  They are running an MRI on her pelvis.

And our friends have come out of the woodwork.  Everyone remembers Carlotta from Alli's wedding and Jenny's wedding.  She is a hoot.  86 years old and still playing pickleball.  

Several people have asked me what they can do.  I would say this:  Go to the Olathe Medical Center ICU.  Tell them that you are a lay minister, here to visit Carlotta Belcher.  Take her a card.  Take her some flowers.  Take her hand and tell her that you are friends of Jeff or Cathy or both.  Tell her that we all love you.

To take someone's hand and tell them that you are here for them is so very very powerful.  Next time I am in the hospital, I hope that you will come see me and hold my hand. 

To be there for another person is an amazing and wonderful thing.  Please keep Carlotta in your prayers.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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You've got to love this!

One of the best, funniest Christmas decorations I have ever seen.

So I was driving on Colbern Road in Lees Summit and I saw this on the north side of the road across from the Windsor subdivision.

For 5 seconds my brain went, "WHAT???"

Then I started to laugh.  I loved it.  Hope it gives you a chuckle.

The lights half strung and hanging down are a good touch.  I will def consider for next year.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Christmas ups and downs - the two sides of Christmas

Christmas happy.  Inflated, full, joyful.  Family in.  Singing.  Joy to the world.

Christmas is over.  Exhausted.  I ate way too much.

If you are feeling the ups and downs of Christmas, enjoy the ups, but don't let the downs bring you down.  Emotions are fickle.  

Good/bad, happy/sad... It all comes with the territory.  Enjoy the ups, brush off the downers.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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For the good

My friend Kim reminded me of the song from the musical Wicked, the title of the song is "for good." Here are the lyrics...

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn.

And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

It well may be
That we will never meet again in this lifetime.
So, let me say before we part:

So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good.

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done,
You blame me for.

But then I guess,
We know there's blame to share.

And none of it seems to matter anymore.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
(Like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes the sun.
(By a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder
(Like a seed dropped by a bird)
Halfway through the wood.
(In the wood)

Who can say if I've been changed for the better.
I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you
I have been changed...
For good.

click here to listen to the song

I want to thank each of you for making a difference in my life.  And I try every day to be there for anyone and everyone that I can.  I want to make a difference for you and for everyone.

May we all get up and try to be a force in this life:  for good.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure