Two years ago my 94-year-old mother first started showing signs of memory lapses. Small things at first. Not alarming, but not quite right either. I took her to a memory clinic and after a grueling hour-long interview, the clinician said mom had a mild cognitive impairment.
Well today the story is very different. She can no longer follow a conversation, sees things, doesn’t remember events that happened a day ago, has asked me “Where is Ginger, I haven’t seen her in days,” and I say “Mom, I’m right here.” She believes 2 boys live in her apartment at night, but thankfully they have no intention of hurting her.
I must admit, that even after the early signs became much more challenging, I was still blind-sided by what has become her new reality. It never occurred to me that my strong, independent, smart mother would be diagnosed with a debilitating dementia. An MRI a couple of months ago confirmed that her brain is dying—global atrophy beyond what is considered normal aging.
I say I was blind-sided by all of this because I never thought caregiving would be a part of my life as I had planned it, and I certainly never expected I would be asked to take care of a mother who probably did her best, but frankly wasn’t very good at taking care of me.
I was struggling with this issue until I found an amazing book Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia by John Dunlop, a geriatrician, whose own mother suffered from dementia. I paraphrase what he wrote that certainly spoke to me:
if you find yourself in a place where you are the only, likely person available to care for a loved one with dementia, it probably is no accident. Caring is a distinct calling from God, not something we randomly fall into. Caregiving will be a trial, a difficult journey, but carefully orchestrated by a loving God to transform the life of the caregiver.
Some days are really hard and I come home and sit outside at night and cry. Other days are good days and I share with my friends some of the funny stories about things my mom may say or do. I find laughing with safe friends about funny things tucked inside this tragedy to be healing. Still, I have to remind myself several times each week a truth I’ve learned about this devastating disease. Even though there may be good days, and I love those days, it's unfortunately not going to get any better. I’m now 9 months into this journey, not knowing how long it will take or where it will take me. But I do remember the importance of this from God's Word:
Honor your father and mother.
And I already know this journey is a blessing for me as much as it is for my mom.
It's a beautiful day in God's world be sure to see the good.
Send replies to jsbrink57@gmail.com
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I am leading some trips this year and next. If you are interested in reading about them, or joining in, the links are below.....
Holy Land Tour - includes my favorite spots
with optional Jerusalem extension
March 4-13, 2019
Paris-Normandy River Cruise
October 23-31, 2019
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