The brown dress

Anthony Demello tells the story about an eight year old girl who walks into the room wearing a pink dress.  Everyone ooo's and ahhh's over her pink dress.  The girl smiles.  Her heart is full.  She is on cloud nine.

The next day she comes in wearing a brown dress and the result is the opposite.  Her parents, her brothers and sisters belittle her.  That is a terrible color they say.  The girl hangs her head.  Her heart is crushed.

The moral of this story is that we give people way too much power over us.  You don't like it that I am wearing a gray shirt?  Too bad for you.  You don't like it that I don't believe it like you do?  Too bad for you.  You don't like it that I drive a black car?  Too bad for you.  You don't like it that I am a KU fan?  Too bad for you.

Our self esteem cannot be put into the hands of others.  God tells us that he loves us, and that ought to be enough.  Live your life and enjoy your life.  Don't let the approval or disapproval of others measure your feelings about yourself.

And on another note, be mindful of how what you say to another human being can affect how they feel.  Negativity always hurts.  Don't let it hurt you, and don't use it to hurt others.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Restore their dignity

My friend Sherry G sent me this Max Lucato quote: "It is a wonderful thing to restore art, antique cars, or dilapidated houses. But it is a holy thing to restore human dignity."

That is what being kind does.  That is what loving people does.  It restores a person's dignity.  It restores their self esteem.  It restores their soul.

Kindness is the key.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Hatefulness

Some years ago, I had to release someone from employment.  This is never easy, and there are always people, church members that don't understand.  But a church has the same issues as a business and when someone is underperforming, you do what you can to help them, and if you can't help them, eventually they have to move on.  Never easy.

Anyway, when I had to let this person go, there was one person in particular that was not just angry, they were hateful.  Their behavior really hurt me.  Their personal connection to the employee was obviously much more important to them than the performance of the employee which was substandard for all to see.

Now I am writing about this to let you know that every time I think of the hatefulness delivered by that member, it still hurts.  Years later, hatefulness continues its wound.

Moral of this story- if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.  Never be hateful.  The residual effects of hatefulness go on way into the future.

Nice is better, even quiet is better.  Please don't wound others.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Lost Friends

So from time to time, I look for my friends from the past.

I have no friends from Jr Hi or Sr Hi that I am connected to.  I have one friend from college, Roger Horne that I can stay in touch with.  Roger by the way is an awesome human.  A very talented athlete.  A Pastor in Lees Summit.  Super guy.

I would like to find my best friend in Jr Hi, Mark Stanton.  I would like to find my best friend in Sr Hi, Mark Flammer.  I would like to find my college room mate, Dallas Moore, formerly from Bethel Ohio.

I am not sure why my brain goes back, or is it my heart??? that wants to catch up with these old friends.

If you know them, tell them that I am looking for them.

And if we are friends, and we probably are if you read this stuff... let's stay in touch.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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the non-anxious presence

I don't know who coined the phrase, "the non-anxious presence."  But I love it.  There is so much anxiety in the world.  So much anger, so much stress, so many people reacting instead of acting.

What if we could all be "a non-anxious presence." 

 Your son is injured... the situation needs a non-anxious presence.  Your daughter is moving out of state... the situation needs a non-anxious presence.  Your mother in law falls down the stairs... the situation needs a non-anxious presence.

Imagine the next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, you are the one that is saying to everyone else, "everything is ok."  

Think of the most stressful thing in your life.  Today, when you walk into it, tell everyone that there is a solution.  Tell everyone that we will figure it out.  Tell everyone that being upset won't help.  Be the non-anxious presence.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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grief

One of my favorite authors likes to say, "all grief is about you."

Now this is one of those sayings that I hate.  But I also recognize that there is some truth in it.  When we are grieving, we are self consumed.  When we are grieving we think about our loss.  When we are grieving it is because we are facing a change, and a change that we don't prefer.

I don't like this saying, but thinking of it helps me.  The pain that I feel is my pain.  I miss that person, I don't care for that change.  The world is not aligning itself to making me happy.

I hope that our grief is short and that we can rise from the grief and tell everyone that everything is ok.

Grief and all, it's still a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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the pre-tip tip

So imagine that you are out to eat.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, it does not matter.  You know that you are going to tip 20% anyway.  But you decide to be extra nice.  

When the server comes to your table to say hello, you hand her or him $5.  They say, [and they will] "what is this for?"  You tell them, "this is the pre-tip tip." 

Then you go on and have a nice meal and tip them your 20%.  You just gave them one of the best moments of their day.  And if you are out with me for a meal and I don't do this, remind me.  Sometimes I forget.

The pre-tip tip.  Try it!!!

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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The Christmas Red Truck

 The Christmas Red Truck has taken over our house.  My wife did this red truck thing.  When she was younger, our decorations were all cows.  Now at Christmas, it is red trucks.

Red Hot Wheel Truck
Red Ceramic Truck w tree in back

Red truck w tree placemats

Christmas card to Scott

Table Runner Red Truck

A real red truck with tree.
Don't tell my wife that you can actually do this...

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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second half

My friend Bruce sent this meme to me.

The second half matters.  In a sporting game if you don't pay attention in the second half and the game is lost.  The second half of life is important too.  

We need to focus less on the pains of growing old.  We need to focus less on the things that have not turned out as we had wished.

Instead we need to realize that in the second half of life we have the chance to focus on what matters.  Bob Buford wrote a book called "Halftime."  In his book, he postulates that the first half of life is focused on success, as in making money.  The second half of life in his book is about "significance."

When I was young, I felt the pressure to make money and provide.  Somewhere along the way we wake up to the fact that we have a chance to make a difference.  To do significant things and to behave in significant ways.  This is not about money.  It is about seeing people and caring for them.

I know way too many people who are in their later years and still worried about money.  I know people worth millions who still don't think that they have enough.  This philosophy of scarcity will always get in the way of caring about people.

If you are in the second half of life, relax and enjoy it.  Find time, make time to reach out for other humans.  Make a difference in someone's world, one random act of kindness at a time.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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The Good Christian

The Good Christian

When I was a child, I was taught that good Christians do good things. That in order to please God and become holy, we needed to behave. We needed to do good. We needed to do something. This line of thinking made many of us quite miserable over the years because we could never be quite good enough. The teaching caused me and others to experience an abundance of guilt along the way.

For the record, I don’t think that God is into guilt.

What if being a good Christian is not really about doing, but about being. In other words, take the focus off of our behaviors and practices, and just live. Release yourself from your striving to be good and relax. Step out of your list of rules and be freed to see the good in the world.

Free yourself from the manipulative shoulds.

When a person is no longer working on overload to do, they can rest and live. When my worry about being good enough is out of the way, I can simply love. I am struggling to explain this, but I believe that there is a natural state of peace and joy that is too often squelched by our hard work at being good.

What would happen if we just relaxed and let lives of love happen. No pressure, no hurry, no worry, just love. Just be.

When we get to that state of peace in our hearts, all kinds of goodness and kindness will come out.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Why do I get sad?

A few weeks ago I posted about being sad and working to get glad.  A Cape Coral friend asked me why I get sad.

I think we all get sad from time to time, but here is my list.

My daughters have moved away.

I live far away from almost all of my friends.

Somethings in life have not turned out the way I had hoped.

There are imprints left on me from my upbringing that still sting.

In general, sometimes the world will not align itself to make me happy.

So I think we all have reasons to get sad.  The challenge is to not stay there.  Just as we get sad, we can get glad.  Focus on the good.  See the good.  The sun will come up tomorrow.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Oh wait! Thoughts for everyone

So I was having coffee with my friend Bruce. Who by the way is a fantastic human. He read yesterday's blog about thoughts for pastors. He called me out. He said, No, those are not thoughts for pastors, those are thoughts for everyone.

So I am going to do a brief re-write with everyone in mind.

Here are some things that I think are important for all humans to keep in mind.

1. model and express love at all times

2. Teach others to model and express love. In doing so, you are building the culture.

3. Work hard. Go the second mile. Set the example of sacrifice for the cause.

4. Take everyone in. Everyone matters. Learn their names.

5. Don’t run from problems, run to them. Find the unhappy person and do everything that you can to help them reengage.

6.  Be honest in your finances.  No secret accounts.  Don't hide expenses.

7. Never use people.  They are here to be loved, not used.

8. Be relevant and down to earth. Talk to the people like they talk to each other. Jesus did not talk down to anyone.

9. You cannot expect people to deliver a higher level of commitment then you deliver yourself.

10. Be willing to be helpful to anyone, anytime.

11. Show an interest in every group, even if you are not really interested in whatever that group is about. Go because you care about the people.

12. Participate in the management of resources in a way that saves for the future. Be frugal.

13. Stay on mission. Love God and love others.

14. Remember that you will not always be here. Your life is a gift from God and it does have an end date. Leave the world better than you found it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.
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Thoughts for Pastors

Thoughts for pastors

Recently a pastor asked for some general advice about leading a church.  Here are some random things that I think are important for pastors to keep in mind.

1.      model and express love at all times

2.      Teach others to model and express love.  In doing so, you are building the culture.

3.      Work hard.  Go the second mile.  Set the example of sacrifice for the cause.

4.      Take everyone in.  Everyone matters.  Learn their names.

5.      Don’t run from problems, run to them.  Find the unhappy person and do everything that you can to help them reengage.

6.      Provide complete and full disclosure of all financial information to all members and friends of the church.

7.      Never use the church for personal gain.

8.      Preach sermons that are relevant and down to earth.  Talk to the people like they talk to each other.  Jesus did not talk down to anyone.

9.      You cannot expect people to deliver a higher level of commitment then you deliver yourself.

10.   Go to the work days and participate.

11.   Show an interest in every group, even if you are not really interested in whatever that group is about.  Go because you care about the people.

12.   Participate in the management of resources in a way that saves for the future.  Be frugal.

13.   Stay on mission.  Love God and love others.

14.   Remember that you will not always be here.  A church is a baton to be passed on, not a trophy to put on your shelf.  Leave the place better than you found it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Young people and church

There is a lovely scene in the movie Sister Act where young people, dressed young, with piercings and tattoos open the back door of the church.   They have heard the new, heartwarming music and they want to come in.  Imagine that!!! Young people want to come into church.  Anyway, there is the beautiful moment where the priest, played by Joseph Maher, sees the young people open the door.  He goes to the pulpit and beckons them to enter.

Young people are opting out of church these days. There are understandable reasons for this.

What young people want in a church

• Everyone is accepted. Period.
• A focus on the value of a person not on their appearance or behavior.
• An eclectic openness to all people
• Worship times that are not on Sunday morning
• Sermons that make you think
• A non-defensive atmosphere
• An openness to new ideas

What young people find in church:

• Old ways
• Old ideas
• Old songs
• Closed and narrow minds
• Judgment
• Shame
• Power structures
• You’re sitting in my pew
• A focus on money

If we want to win young people to church, the church needs to change it's ways.  Let's stop blaming the young people.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Covid

So my daughter has covid-19 for the second time.  She is not very sick and we expect her to recover completely.  

I find it interesting that the pandemic has had various effects on people.  Some have died, some have recovered.  Some like me, have never had it, or if I did, I was asymptomatic.  

Some are fearful.  Some think that it is a hoax.

I find the safety precautions to be interesting.  Wear a mask.  Well, maybe masks are optional now.  Only use a sanitized pen.  Everything must be wiped down before you can use it.

And then I go to the doctor.  There is a sign on the door about social distancing.  They have sanitized pens and used pens.  But the handle to the door is touched by everyone.  The pen that you sign in with is used by everyone.  The staff is not wearing masks.

I was staying in a hotel last week in Knoxville TN.  There are signs about social distancing, but everyone touches the same elevator buttons.  The elevator, which is a "normal size" says that the capacity is 15.  I don't know how you would fit 15 people in this elevator.  Surely these days, we would, I would wait for the next one rather than press in with 14 others.

It is all so interesting... so perplexing.  So unprecedented.  I wonder about people during past pandemics, people during the middle ages.  Did they have any idea what was going on?  Did the news warn them like it does today?  No, they thought it was a judgement from God.  That is silly.

And so I guess this blog post is about how disheveled everything feels these days.  I hope we get back to normal soon.  But in the mean time...

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Die to self

Jesus taught that we should die to ourselves.  That means that we have to learn to be ok with things not going our way.  It means that we are invited to embrace change, discomfort and ultimately death.  We all know that we are going to die, but many of us act fearful and angry about it.  Like death would come to others, but never to me.  

Dear Lord, can I get a pass on the death thing?  Amen.

Sure there are some things that we should fight.  Injustice, illness and other things we should not just take.  But many times we push back against things in life that we need to learn to absorb.

To surrender to such things is a sign that we are melting into God.   And my friends, that is where and when we find the peace.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Regressive Memory Therapy

Regressive memory therapy

I was seeing a counselor a few years ago and she told me about RMT regressive memory therapy. The idea of this is that you remember the times that hurt, and still hurt…

When I was three years old and my Dad screamed at me on Easter Sunday.
When I got that anonymous letter in 2004
When I was 13 and my mom smacked me in the mouth
When someone wrote a book and said untrue and hurtful things about me.
When I was rejected by a church member or staff person.

Such things hurt.

In regressive therapy, the idea is that these things still hurt because part of us was “left behind” in those moments. Part of us, part of our hearts are still stuck there.

So in this therapy, you journey in your mind back to that moment. Take a plane, drive a car, and get to that time and place. Find the you that is there… say to yourself… “Jeff, look, it is me… do you see me? Do you see that I am you? Look, I know you are hurting now, but you will survive… I am proof. I am sorry that I left you behind. Come with me now. Join me in my heart and lets be together. Let’s be whole again.”

Repeat as necessary.

This approach to healing our memories has helped me a lot.
And I am still working on it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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I love Joy

I love Joy Steincross.  She came to us around 1996 and has been the accompanist at the piano ever since.  She can play anything.  She is so smart.  We worked together for 20 years and we got each other.  During worship, it was hand in glove.  She just could always tell what I was thinking.

I also love it that Joy gives me grief.  She is happy, funny and ornery.  I think it is a requirement to be my friend, that you have to make fun of me from time to time.  I was in church on Sunday December 19 for the first time in over five years.  I made a point of seeking Joy out.  I gave her a hug and then she said, "I am still mad at you."

Anyway, she is the best.

For Christmas, she put out a wonderful video of her telling a story about one of her Christmas memories.  The video is 8 minutes long, but friends, it is worth it.  Slow down, take a break and watch this.  You will be glad that you did.

click here to watch this touching video

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Ugly

Recently I was sitting at the table of a friend when the topic of being ugly came up.  Not ugly looking, but ugly acting.

We agreed that no matter what is going on, it doesn't have to be ugly.  It never has to be ugly.

Ugly is unnecessary.  Kindness is not that difficult to put on the table.

Never choose to be ugly.  Even in tough moments we can choose to be kind.

Nothing is helped by us being ugly.  Everything is helped when we show kindness.  Always choose kindness.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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More on friendship

One of my favorite movies of all times is Dances with Wolves.

During times of pain we lean on our friends for support.  I am thankful for my friends.  I often think of the final scene of the movie when Wind in his hair cries out from atop a bluff:

"Dances with Wolves
I am Wind in his Hair.
Do you see that I am your friend?
Can you see that I will always be your friend?"

Here is the video clip if you wish to watch it. Tell your friends that you love them.

click here to watch the scene

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Friends forever

A month ago I had breakfast with a friend. We spent a half hour catching up then he shared with me a grief.  One of his friends has set him aside - throwing him away. His "friend" told him that we can’t be friends anymore. 

That really hurts. I know that hurt because it happened to me many years ago. After my friend threw me away I grieved for a year, but I also actively worked to make new friends.  Whenever I sat down with the people that I was becoming friends with I told them that we had to make a deal.  You’ll be my friend forever. No matter what - I will not throw you away.  No matter what you will not throw me away.  I will always be there for you and you will always be there for me. 

It doesn't erase the hurt of losing a friend, but it makes the new relationships feel more secure.   Please don't ever throw your friends away.  Work thru it.  Relationships are too important.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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With

Profound thoughts from my friend Pat...

I recently heard a program on the Economist podcast about the increasing loneliness of people world wide. The problem is especially acute among American males: we don’t make or keep friends very well. SNL hit a nerve with this skit(a warning, its condescending(not crude) but art makes its point by being extreme: Here’s a link(its 2 minutes and funny) https://youtu.be/9XOt2Vh0T8w

The most important word in the Bible is not love, its with. Christ didn’t say, I love you, he said “I am with you”. You can’t see love: you can only see with. You can’t see beliefs, you can only see deeds.

If you haven’t recently, invite someone to coffee, or to play golf, or for lunch. (Start with small steps) If you’re turned down, try again, try elsewhere. Join a group, go to a lecture, talk to your neighbor, more; ask someone how they like their truck; volunteer, anywhere; call an old high school friend; join a book club; take your dog to the dog park; talk to the lady(or man) at QT; compliment a stranger; go outside and pick up trash; take your headphones off at the gym and ask someone about their workout; surprise someone with an unexpected gift; take an adult ed class on auto mechanics, or cooking, or whatever. If you need more ideas, write me(patstarke@msn.com)

These are a type of “deeds” Christ meant. Its how we can be with others. Do it every day, all day. Ignore failure. Sure you’ll skin your knees, but did that ever stop you from getting back on your bike? Too much fun to be had not to.

We are born with someone, we die alone. There’s no reason to start death early by self inflicted loneliness. God didn’t want us to be alone. That’s why he gave us the gift of each other. Shouldn’t you use his gifts?

Someone out there is waiting for you.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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Jesus Wept

At my friend Chuck's memorial service the pastor mentioned the death of Lazarus.  It reminded me of the shortest scripture in the bible:   "Jesus wept."  John 11:35

The next verse is really cool,  "The Jews said, see how he loved him."  John 11:36

We all wept at Chuck's service.  We all loved him.  

People die all the time and we don't cry because we didn't know them.  But when someone that we love dies, we cry.  In fact, the depth of the tears, the depth of the grief is proportional to the size of the love.  If you are really hurting over something, there was most likely some pretty serious love.

Look how much we loved that person.  Look how much that relationship meant to us.

In your grief, I reach out to you with a hug.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

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whoops

Good afternoon friends. I want to thank those of you who have offered to go visit Carlotta in the hospital. Evidently I spoke too soon. I was exercising wishful thinking. Due to the Covid up surge the hospital is not letting anyone in at this time. Thank you for your love

Love

Cathy and her mom Carlotta.

Sometime yesterday, my 86 year old mother in law, Carlotta Belcher fell down the stairs.  This is a half flight of stairs, but there is no carpet on them, they are wooden stairs.  She broke her face and her sinus cavity. She broke her hand.  She has a small brain bleed.  They are running an MRI on her pelvis.

And our friends have come out of the woodwork.  Everyone remembers Carlotta from Alli's wedding and Jenny's wedding.  She is a hoot.  86 years old and still playing pickleball.  

Several people have asked me what they can do.  I would say this:  Go to the Olathe Medical Center ICU.  Tell them that you are a lay minister, here to visit Carlotta Belcher.  Take her a card.  Take her some flowers.  Take her hand and tell her that you are friends of Jeff or Cathy or both.  Tell her that we all love you.

To take someone's hand and tell them that you are here for them is so very very powerful.  Next time I am in the hospital, I hope that you will come see me and hold my hand. 

To be there for another person is an amazing and wonderful thing.  Please keep Carlotta in your prayers.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

You've got to love this!

One of the best, funniest Christmas decorations I have ever seen.

So I was driving on Colbern Road in Lees Summit and I saw this on the north side of the road across from the Windsor subdivision.

For 5 seconds my brain went, "WHAT???"

Then I started to laugh.  I loved it.  Hope it gives you a chuckle.

The lights half strung and hanging down are a good touch.  I will def consider for next year.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Christmas ups and downs - the two sides of Christmas

Christmas happy.  Inflated, full, joyful.  Family in.  Singing.  Joy to the world.

Christmas is over.  Exhausted.  I ate way too much.

If you are feeling the ups and downs of Christmas, enjoy the ups, but don't let the downs bring you down.  Emotions are fickle.  

Good/bad, happy/sad... It all comes with the territory.  Enjoy the ups, brush off the downers.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

For the good

My friend Kim reminded me of the song from the musical Wicked, the title of the song is "for good." Here are the lyrics...

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn.

And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

It well may be
That we will never meet again in this lifetime.
So, let me say before we part:

So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good.

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done,
You blame me for.

But then I guess,
We know there's blame to share.

And none of it seems to matter anymore.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
(Like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes the sun.
(By a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder
(Like a seed dropped by a bird)
Halfway through the wood.
(In the wood)

Who can say if I've been changed for the better.
I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you
I have been changed...
For good.

click here to listen to the song

I want to thank each of you for making a difference in my life.  And I try every day to be there for anyone and everyone that I can.  I want to make a difference for you and for everyone.

May we all get up and try to be a force in this life:  for good.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

They monkey and the coconut

I was sad. Someone called me on it. They said, "Jeff, you look sad."   Well, I was sad.

Sometimes things happen that make us sad. But then I realized I can get glad too.  I can be sad, I can be glad.  My choice.

Difficult, hurtful things are sure to come. They will usually drag us down for a bit. But we have a choice to make. We can stay sad or we can get glad.

Anthony DeMello tells the story of the monkey in the coconut tree.  A man is walking by and the monkey throws a coconut at him, striking him in the head.  The man picks up the coconut, cuts it open, drinks the milk, eats the coconut flesh, feels satisfied, and goes on his way.

Note, the man could complain about the pain to his head.  He could be upset with the monkey's intrusion or attack.  But he chooses to do something different.

He takes the hit and sees the good.  A coconut to the head we all get from time to time.  Don't get stuck there.  See the situation.  Drink the milk, enjoy the rest of the coconut and go on your way.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, if we choose to see it.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Joy to the world

A few weeks ago, our family [minus Scott] went to the Disney parks.  I got to see my granddaughter again.  What a cute, delightful little person.

She likes catchup

Baby Bella w Mom Alli

One of the things that touched me in this last picture, is the sheer joy that this child feels.  The red Mickey Mouse bubble machine was the genius of my wife Cathy.  

This is one happy baby!  [16 months now]

We adults should find more joy.  It is all around us.  If we pay attention to the good, we will find the joy.  Jesus told a lot of stories about parties.  We should have more of them.

Don't let the negative parts of life drag you down.  The world is still a bubble machine if we can just get our eyes off of the dirty diapers and focus on the good.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Take me to church again

Tyler and I were out to breakfast at the IHOP at 17th and US1. Three older folks came in the other door about the time we entered. They were dressed well and had obviously come from church. I asked them if they had been to church and sure enough they had. I overheard one lady say to her husband in regards to the sermon, “I didn’t understand a word that he said, but I was still glad to be there.”

There is something about going to church. Even if the sermon is off, there is something about being with other people that want to love God. There is something about being in the sanctuary. There is something about the stained glass windows. I believe that holy places speak to us, even if you don't get the sermon.  There is something at church that is bigger than the sermon.

Get back in church and take in the ambiance. God is with you.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

A short history of the middle east

So the Jewish people invaded the land of Canaan. They say God gave that land to them. That is their version of the story as told in the Bible. But they invaded the land and they pushed out the Canaanites and the Edomites and the Philistines.  Eventually King David comes along and he was the bomb! His son Solomon built a temple in Jerusalem. The kingdom was at its height under David and Solomon, but it did not last. Eventually the people were conquered by the Babylonians and taken to captivity, but after 70 years they came back, rebuilt the temple and re-inhabited the land.

When the Romans came in they took over in 63 BC and conquered the area.  They named the province Judea because it was the land of the Jews. This persisted until the Jews revolted in 70AD.  At that time the Romans expelled the Jews and renamed the province Palestine after the ancient enemy of the Jews - the Philistines.

Today there is a rivalry back-and-forth between the Jews and the Palestinians. Whatever side of this argument you are on, I just want people to be aware that it was called Judea before it was called Palestine.

We are so worked up about this. The world is so worked up about this. Should America give back Arizona and New Mexico to Mexico? Should Russia give back the Crimea to Ukraine?

Life is complicated and Nations take what they want from each other. It has always been this way. Just ask the Sioux, the Apache, the Iroquois, etc.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

it is a sacred responsibility

I quoted this podcast few weeks ago, but I am going to hit it again today. The podcast is called "Life's Rough Edges" it is a TED talk featuring Nora McInerny. If you have not listened to it, I highly recommend it.

There is another quote from this talk that I loved and hated...

"It is our sacred responsibility to live full lives and to see the good in the midst of difficult and dark times. But it sucks and we hate it."

What a fantastically true statement. We are supposed to see the good, even in dark times. But it is not easy to do. It is hard to force our selves to see and be the good, but it is our sacred responsibility to others to keep after it.

Don't let the bad things keep you down for very long. Spring up and see the good.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Pick 5 Songs

The Five Songs

My friend John Muller loves music. He told me about when he has his friends over to listen to music. Each one brings a jump drive with five songs for the group. Each in turn introduces his songs and they listen to new/old/good music. I love this idea for a party.

When I am at Bruce’s house we always take turns telling Alexa to play a song. When I am in Florida with my buddy Jeff, we also take turns playing songs. And we throw corn hole bags.

Next time you get together with you friends, instead of playing monopoly or clue, take turns telling Alexa to play your favorite songs.

If you need some suggestions here you go:

Brooks and Dunn – Neon Moon
Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb
Meat Loaf – Two out of three ain’t bad.
Quiet Riot – Girls Rock your Boys
Van Morrison – Into the Mystic
Foghat – Slow Ride
AC/DC – Thunderstruck
The Beatles –In my life
Steve Miller Band – Fly like an Eagle
Kool and the Gang – Cherish
Eric Clapton –Wonderful Tonight
Louis Armstrong – What a Wonderful World
Lionel Richie – Hello
The Thompson Twins – Hold me now

Let me know how your party goes...

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Is something wrong?

Something is still wrong.

We can't even let ourselves enjoy Christmas because something is wrong.  My kids did not come to Christmas.  The pie did not turn out.  Stressed out relatives got into a fight.  Sometimes it doesn't feel like the most wonderful time of the year.  We are still worried that something is amiss.

Solaris Electric Van in the
background.  Red Kia where
I stopped to make a text.

So I a week ago I working at a CVS in Orlando for my buddy Derek. I am waiting on electricians to pull some cable. The electricians show up and I go to their van to talk with them. Then I start to walk across the parking lot. I stop halfway across to text my boss and let them know that the desired electricians have finally arrived.

I randomly stop by this red Kia to write the text about the electricians showing up. The owner of the car comes out of the store and she thinks that something is wrong. She says to me, “is there something wrong with me parking there?”

Why do we still think, why do we default to “something is wrong?”

Here is the good news. I got to explain to her that nothing is wrong. I told her who I was working for and why I had stopped by her car. She was relieved.

When you or I can assure another person that nothing is wrong, it makes them happy. It relieves them of their worry. Now the next trick is to learn not to worry in the first place.

Nothing is wrong.

By the way, at Christmas God is telling us, nothing is wrong. All is well. No worries. I got you. You are loved.

Merry Christmas!!!  Take it easy.

No worries my friend. God loves you!!!

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

God's Christmas Message

Most Christians that I know of would tell you that between the two, Easter and Christmas, that Easter is more important.  No Easter, no resurrection, no salvation.

I beg to differ.  I would say this, no Christmas, no life of Jesus, no teachings about love, no Good Friday and thus no Easter.

So Christmas is a vitally important day.  Everything else falls from Christmas.  Also consider this... in sending Jesus, God is saying, "I love you!!!"  God is saying that you are worth it.  God is saying find the joy by following this Jesus into a life of love.

Merry Christmas.  I love you and you are worth it!!!

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Happy Birthday

So a few weeks ago I was on a cruise with my sister Amy.  We got on a tram to ride around the Royal Caribbean island.  Before the tram left, the driver instructed us, "as we pull out today, please join me in singing happy birthday to this lovely lady across the way."  The lovely lady was another Royal Caribbean employee.  [I think that the driver loved her.]

We all started to sing happy birthday to you!!!  It was so sweet!

As the tram passed her, she said, "it is not my birthday, he does this to me a couple of times a day."

I loved that!  I LOVED THAT!!!

Someone going out of their way, multiple times a day, to make someone else feel good.

Happy Birthday to you my friend!!!

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

The $20 club

I have a friend that goes to lunch once a month with four other friends. Each pays for their own lunch. Dutch treat. And, and, and this is what makes this a great story... each brings a $20 bill for the server. So this server who has no idea what their tip will be like… sometimes people don’t tip. What is that about??? Anyway, this server gets a giant tip, more than 100% of the bill.

I would love to start a club like this in Florida or on my KC trips. If you want to join me, let me know. I love spending time with good people, with generous people, and I love blessing others.

By the way, if you are going out to lunch or dinner this holiday season, it may be a good time to start your own $20 club!!!

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Too Loud

Evidently, I was too loud.

So I am sitting at breakfast on a cruise ship with my sister Amy. We are drinking coffee and eating breakfast food. We are chatting it up like a brother and sister who have not seen each other in three years.

All of a sudden, the guy at the table next to us pops up, looks at us and says, “I am tired of listening to your conversation.” He walked away.

My sister and I looked at each other with big eyes and thought “what was that about?” The guy's wife stood up and looked at us. I said to her, "I am sorry."   She said, "NO, she was sorry."

The look on her face was the look of someone who had been embarrassed by an unhappy person many times over the years.

Although I used to make a living by talking, we were not too loud that day. He was unhappy about something. On a cruise and so unhappy about something that you have to be rude.

If I was sitting next to people that I thought were too loud, I would just get up quietly and move. He must have something else going on in his life. The look on his wife’s face told us that she has suffered with his angst for years. Such a sad face.

Moral of this story is that if someone is ugly with you, it probably has more to do with what is going on with them than what they think you did.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

become your best self

My friend Bruce sent this in...

Reminds me of the song, "Using things and loving people."  Life is about people, not things.  Getting more stuff will not fix anything.  Love God, love people, and love yourself.  Become the love, the loving person that you sense that you can.  Be and become.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Suicide

I have a friend who has a friend and their ex took his life. Now let’s just sit on that phrase “took his life.” I can’t think of sadder words. He took his life.

Friends, listen to me. I have in my life time, considered suicide on several occasions. Thank God I never acted on those thoughts.

Part of what keeps me from doing that is the following:

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  No matter how upset you are, things can get better.

Suicide takes the terrible pain that you feel and multiplies it, distributing it to every one that loves you. Do you really want those who love you to feel as bad as you do right now?

I know that you might feel bad… Alone, rejected, set aside, but we can still see the good in life. I know it will return to you.  In fact, it never left, we just can't see it.  The sun goes behind the clouds for a while and joy can hide from us, but it is still there and it will return.

Every week I get an email from my former church called “going home.” It is an announcement of the passing of someone. I don’t ever want to get an email that tells me that you have gone home by your own hand.

If you are thinking about taking your life, please don’t. There are still many good reasons to live. Someone loves you. I love you. Reach out to me and I will meet you for lunch and we can talk. I am serious.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

My Sisters

 

Amy on the left, Julie on right.
Old man in the middle.

In January of this year, my sister Julie and her husband Mark moved from Kansas City to Vero Beach. This was a huge boost to our social life. We love them and are glad that they are here.

Any of you friends that are looking for a winter home or a place to retire, please come see us. We would love to have more of our friends here in Vero Beach, Florida. We have a room for you to stay in and a car for you to drive. Come visit. 

A few weeks ago, my sister who lives in California came to visit. We had not seen Amy for three years. Since Alli’s wedding. We had a wonderful visit and a wonderful time. After growing up in a home where we did not get to know each other, it has been delightful to come to know and love my sisters.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

The ATT guys

The ATT guys are going to help me. Their office is right by our grocery store. They helped us get our new phones last year.  Anytime I am in the grocery store and they have cookies on sale, I buy them for the ATT guys. I buy them muffins and chocolate and I tell them a joke or two. 

They still laugh about this joke... "a pair of jumper cables walk into the bar.  The bartender says, ok, I will serve you, just don't start anything."

When I walk in they start to laugh. They love the treats and they love the jokes. Imagine that!!! Someone loves my jokes!!! If I ever need help with my phone do you think they’re going to help me? Yes of course they will, because we humans are predisposed to be good to people who are good to us.

Now we should be good to everyone, and expect nothing in return, but, what goes around comes around. It is always a good thing to be good to people.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure

Chuck

On Tuesday I attended the memorial service for my friend Chuck McClamrock.

Chuck came to Kansas City for a job. He met Joy and fell head over heels. He fell hard. Who wouldn’t? Ever since we’ve known Chuck it’s been “Chuck and Joy.” They were in church every Sunday, they sat right over there on the aisle by the old testament window. Chuck had that delightful southern personality. He had a great smile and could be very funny. He nicknamed one of his grandkids “Rattlesnake.” He took his granddaughter Abby for breakfast every time he came to town and saw her.

Chuck coached the Buzzards softball team back when we had 10 teams. Major Hammet and Chuck Stark played on that team as well as others. Chuck and I spent many nights sitting at Kim and Bruce Letner‘s table laughing, telling stories and drinking bourbon. Chuck had good friends in Evan Williams, Jim Beam and George Dickel.

Chuck had that deep southern drawl. Whenever I was around him and he was talking to other people I would repeat what he said and people would look at me and I would explain to them that I was interpreting for him. I loved Chuck. I'm going to miss Chuck. Chuck loved to tell the story about how his mother was the longtime secretary to the district superintendent of one of the district areas in North Carolina. He was a lifelong Methodist. They don’t come any better than Chuck. I’m gonna miss him.

Such a good man.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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I am leading a River Cruise to Belgium and the Netherlands March 19-27, 2022. If you are interested in reading about the trip or joining in, the link is below.

click here for the brochure