Thursday, June 8, 2017

controlling behavior

As a follow up to yesterday's post, I want to write a bit about control and manipulation.  We have all had those people in our lives that tried to control and or manipulate us, and we have also been guilty, each of us I am sure, of trying to control and manipulate others.

For the sake of my typing fingers, I will now refer to control and manipulate by c and m.

My mother was an expert at c and m.  She wanted to be sure that her kids acted just as she thought they should.  When children are young, they do need some direction for sure.  But at some point, we need to stop trying to c and m our adult children, our adult friends and our adult spouses.  The result of c and m is never love.  If you want to be loved, free others to live.  Let them go.  Let them march to the beat of their drummer.  They have a drummer and it is probably not your drummer.

The moment we try to c and m another person, we are announcing that we are broken and needy.  Whole people do not need to make others behave in a certain way.  They have learned to be ok in their skin.  They can welcome others into their life, and they can release others when others move on.  And in this life, people move on.... most notably our children move on.  They become adults and they are no longer ours to parent.  But sometimes friends move on too.  Sometimes spouses.  These can be very difficult because we have developed attachments to them.  I spent a year once, begging a friend to remain my friend.  Do you think that worked?  Not at all.

Take a few moments to examine your life and ask yourself to what extend you may be trying to control and manipulate others.  Free them to live, and you will find a new freedom in your life as well.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

1 comment:

Di Flower said...

These posts on real love and c & m give very good advice. Thanks!