Sunday, May 28, 2017

dealing with difficult people

I have a friend who struggles with difficult people.  I think we all have people that we find difficult.  What to do???

There are things that my wife has asked me to do over the years.... pick up dirty clothes, clean out the sink better after I shave, etc.  These things I have taken on and made the changes no problem.  You might want to talk with the person about what is bothering you.  Do it in a kind way.  That may be all it takes.

If that doesn't work, the easiest answer that I come up with is to stay away from them.  You are under no obligation to run around with that cousin, stay friends with that person, or stay in the same room at the family reunion.  Stay away from them.  Someone might say, well they need me, or they want me to be with them..... you still have the choice, and if you choose to run with them, then you will have to put up with their difficultness.  Life is too short.  Run with people that are good for you.

Now, the hard part comes when the difficult person is someone that you can't get distance from.  A boss, the coworker in the next cube, [you could still switch jobs], the best example of someone that is hard to get distance from is a member of your immediate family.  We all want to stay up with our kids, our grandkids, etc.  What do we do when they are difficult?  What if it is someone that I am married to?

If you are married to some that is abusing you, get out.  If they are annoying you, then work on it.  Work on you.  I know many people who have thrown away one annoying person, fallen for the next annoying person, and so on.  Is this a good person at heart?   Then lets work on things.

And so, this is where my brain goes..... I have tried to fix this person for years..... I have realized that I cannot do it.  They are beyond my control.  Think about that!  How funny that I thought I could fix them.  Their behavior is their behavior, their choices are their choices.  I simply must choose to not let it bother me.  They are going to keep doing that stuff and I need to find peace with the me that I am.  Anthony Demello says, "if I have a problem with someone, then I have a problem."  The point of that is that the fixing is in me, not them.  It is my responsibility to give my heart and life to God every day.  I can't control what others do.  There will always be someone who I find rude or annoying.  I can graciously encourage them to do otherwise, but I am going on with my life, living as I desire.  I cannot, we cannot allow someone else's smallness to effect us.  For more on this, get a copy of Anthony Demello's book Walking on Water.

Some years ago a person left our church and sent an email out to a number of their church friends about what a bad guy I was and how they should leave the church too.  It hurt, but I decided not to let it get to me.... and it didn't.  The more we focus on how we want to live and who we want to be, the less we are concerned with the behavior of others.

Print out a sheet of paper that says, "it's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good"  stick it up in your kitchen, and try to live by it every day.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

1 comment:

Joanne Priester said...

I just Love and am inspired by the very beginning n ending of your blog I like reading it n thinking it over n over as it comes up through the day