thoughts on being a friend

This is from my friend Bruce...

“What can I do to be a better friend?” was posted on June 1st, 2023 with a list of ideas and thoughts around this question. That blog post provoked me to think about friendship a little more. What can I do to be a better friend? First, I need to understand what friend means.

Merriam-Webster defines friend as: a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another.

The American Heritage Dictionary lists the history of the word friend as originating from Frēond, the Old English source of Modern English friend, it is related to the Old English verb frē̄on, “to love, like, honor, set free (from slavery or confinement).” Specifically, frēond comes from the present participle of the Germanic ancestor of Old English frē̄on and thus originally meant “one who loves.”

Friend: one who loves.  That is about it... a friend is one who loves and honors you.

To me, this is a great starting point for all thoughts and ideas about friends.

It’s a beautiful day in God’s world, be sure to be a friend.

changing opinions

Surgery update... all is well.  The doc was happy with the results.  I am doing great.  I am trying to stay off of the opiates.  One day at a time.  I will update again in a few days.  Thank you for your prayers...  Now on to todays post...

Most people have an opinion.  Opinions are like eye sockets.  Everybody has one or two.  Ha ha did you like that???

Most people believe that what they think is the correct opinion.  If they thought that it was wrong, they would change it.  So as we go into a discussion about opinions, let's face it, everyone thinks that theirs is the right one.

I am glad for you to have opinions.  I am fine if they are different than mine.  I can love you, and I do love you, even if we disagree.

Changing my opinion is not easy, and inviting others to change their opinions is even harder.  Most, or at least many, are not even open to a discussion, especially if they think that the Bible says so.

Friends, things are more complicated than, "the Bible says."  There are a lot of factors in play in life.  There are also many things in the Bible that no one believes ie stoning a rebellious son.

I just want to encourage all of my readers to keep an open mind.  We cannot learn from people like us.  We only learn from those who are different from us.  And that will only happen when we listen to them and take their views seriously.

It is a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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So where does it end

Today I am having knee replacement surgery so please toss up a prayer for me.  If I get enough prayers, then it will go well, if I don't, then who knows.  No seriously, please throw up a prayer for the surgeon.  Thanks.

Today's topic... where does it end?  

If I finally choose to love and accept homosexuals, where does it end?  We used to be against divorced people, women pastors and interracial marriage.  Now we accept those.  If I accept homosexuality, where will it end?

Will I one day be asked to condone men marrying 10 year olds?  Will sex with animals become something that we must accept?

My answer is easy and it is this... No.  We don't accept sex with people who can't offer consent.  We don't approve of a person hurting another.  It is that simple.  Gay people don't hurt each other.  Pedophiles hurt people so we cannot support that, it is a behavior that will always be against the law.

So again, it is back to love.  We love people.  We don't hurt them and we don't condone people hurting people.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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But I don't like what they do...

WARNING - ADULT MATERIAL AHEAD... Continue at your own risk... 

This might get a little uncomfortable... [honest, straightforward discussions often do...]

Many people are against homosexuals because they don't like what homosexuals do behind closed doors.  People assume that homosexuals are out doing all sorts of homosexual acts all of the time.

Well, let me go a couple of places with this... first of all, most people struggle to find intimacy.  Gay and straight people both probably wish that they were held more, kissed more, etc.  Especially as we get busy in life and as we grow older, intimacy is hard to find.  There are lots of lonely people out there in the world, more than you might think.

So it is unfair to think that gay people are out having sex all the time.  They struggle with intimacy just like all the rest of us.

Now back to the idea that you might not like what they do behind closed doors.  [as if that were our business]   Well friends, I know heterosexual people that do things behind closed doors that I would not do.  They do things that I find to be gross and repulsive.  But I don't hate them for that.

I dated girls in high school and college who did things and wanted to do things that I did not.  I might have stopped dating them, but I did not hate them for what they wanted to do.

There is plenty of behavior that we are uncomfortable with on both sides of the aisle.  Don't use it to hate someone.  Don't use anything to hate someone...

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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What Jesus was for

More on the same theme of accepting and loving all people...

The word homosexual was not found in the Bible prior to 1945.  The Greek word was translated in different ways prior to that, usually referring to those who prey on others, those who hurt others, such as adult men taking on children as a partner.

Jesus said nothing about gambling, yet gambling was done at his death.  Jesus ran with prostitutes.  He did not shame them.  Jesus says nothing about abortion.  Jesus says nothing about homosexuality.  If these things were that important for Christians to be against, don't you think that Jesus would have come out against them?  He focused on other things.  He focused on the positive.

So you see, Christianity is not a faith that is identified by what it is against.  Christianity is for love.  It is for loving the outcast, for welcoming the stranger, for embracing the broken.  

If Christianity is against anything, it is against judgment, it is against hatred, it is against pointing the finger, it is against self-righteousness.

True Christianity rejects setting others aside for any reason.  Jesus taught love.  If we focus on love, we will find the right path

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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Do you believe the Bible

Some of you are thinking, "but Jeff, the Bible says..." 

Well, did you know that most people know just enough of what the Bible says to make them dangerous.  Be careful when you say that you believe the Bible... It is a big complicated book.  Often what people mean when they claim to believe the Bible is that they believe what they have been taught by their pastors.  They have integrated into their lives what they believe is in the Bible, but most people don't really know all of the things that are in the Bible...


The Bible says…

That we should not eat shrimp - Lev 11:10

That we should not eat pork - Lev 11:7

That we should not have round haircuts - Lev 19:27

If you curse your father or mother you should be put to death - Leviticus 20:9

That slaves should honor and respect their masters - 1 Peter 2:18

That women should not teach or speak in church - 1 Tim 2:11

That if your city is under siege, it is ok to eat your children - Deut 28:53

Someone born out of wedlock cannot attend church - Deuteronomy 23:2

We should not have savings accounts - Mt 6:19-21

If a woman interrupts a fight between her husband and another man, her hand should be cut off - Deuteronomy 25:11-12

If your brother dies, you should have sex with his wife - Mark 12:19

That non virgins are to be stoned - Deut 22:20-21

That an unruly son should be stoned Deut 21:18-21

That we should not get tattoos - Lev 19:28

That handicap people cannot approach God - Leviticus 21:18-21

As far as believing the Bible, everyone picks and chooses which passages to affirm.  I choose to hold closely to those passages that focus on love.  

And as my favorite theologian, Terry McCarty says, "the Bible is not a hammer."

The Bible is never to be used to hurt others or push people away.  It should not divide us, it should draw us together in love.

It's a beautiful day in God's world be sure to see the good.
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No * allowed

Today I am beginning a five part series on what I believe regarding Christianity and homosexuality.

As you may know, many people and many churches are leaving the United Methodist Church.  That is because the United Methodist Church is normalizing the acceptance of homosexuals.  The United Methodist Church is accepting and welcoming them.  Hmm - isn't that what Jesus did?

Missouri lost 10% of it's churches this year.  Some Annual Conferences in the south lost 50% of their churches.  So in the future, you will be able to attend United Methodist Churches where gays are welcome and accepted, and you can attend former United Methodist Churches who still use the asterisk.

The asterisk in this case denotes the idea that "we love you, but."  "we love you, except that you need to change."  "we love you except you are gay."  We love you*

Jesus had no asterisk on his love.  True Christianity has no asterisk on it's love.  It is time that we follow the example of Jesus and just love people.  All people.  No * allowed in my faith.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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anxiety

For a number of years I have been trying to put my finger on the brand of anxiety that I feel from time to time.  And I am not alone.  I know of many people my age and older who struggle with this type of anxiety.  It is hard to name - it is hard to put your finger on it.

But a few weeks ago, I had a nice talk with my old friend Kyle Hern.  He named this anxiety.  He hit the nail on the head...  He called it:

The anxiety that we feel when we lose what we were.

I could make that line into a song with verses and a chorus refrain...

I don't look like I used to look.
I am not in the physical shape that I used to be.
I continue to lose muscle mass.
I cannot carry or climb big ladders.
and that's the anxiety that we feel when we lose what we were.

My children have grown and moved away...
my children don't need me like they used to...
my purpose used to be raising children, now I have no purpose.
I was connected to my children, now I am less so...
that's the anxiety that we feel when we lose what we were.

I don't have that job any more.
No one looks to me for answers.
I have lost my ability to create income.
The sense of value that I got from working is gone.
The anxiety that we feel when we lose what we were.

I am no longer wanted.
I feel alone
I feel sad
I feel like less than what I was
and its the anxiety that we feel when we lose what we were.

yes, the anxiety that we feel when we lose what we were.

And although I feel these things, and maybe you do as well, it is our responsibility to fight off such feelings.  For me, identifying them, and naming them helps me.  But it is a constant challenge to see the good, and so we continue the daily battle to fight off the worries and look for the good.  It is still all around us, just in different ways.

Just because we are not what we were, doesn't mean that what we are today does not matter!!!

It is still a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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Grace

My friend Sherry shared a Bob Goff quote with me.

By the way, if you are looking for a good book to read, try the Bob Goff book entitled "Love Does." Another great one is titled, "Everyone Always."

Here is the quote that she shared...

"Grace means we can put down the chalk and quit keeping score."

Do you need to put down some chalk? Or if someone has been keeping score against you, just remember that the rain of God's love always washes the chalk away.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.
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forced upon me

I heard someone on a talk show the other day.  They were talking about how they refused to have someone else's views forced on them.

It is an interesting phrase "forced on me."

Well there are some things that are forced on us... taxes, speed limits, various laws and finally death.  All forced on us.

But ideas are not, and cannot be forced upon you.  You have a choice.  You can agree or disagree.  You can open yourself to an idea or not.  

Let me try to be more clear... I am working to explain my thought... when an idea comes in that you don't care for, you don't have to react to it.  You don't have to see that idea as an enemy.  Just see it and put it on the shelf.  We don't have to be upset by other ideas that people may bring to us.  We do not have to make it an us vs them situation.

instead of this... "an idea was forced on me."
try this... "I keep hearing that idea. I got it. I am going to but it on a shelf for a while."

There is no reason to react.  No reason to be upset by it all.  Take their idea and smile at it and put it on the shelf.  Maybe you will want to think about it later.

I am trying to reduce the reactions and over reactions that people have to other's ideas...  We don't have to be threatened by ideas that seem to be outside of our general path of thought.

It's a beautiful, relaxed day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

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Good People

In a world where we are bombarded with negative stories about bad people, I still find that there are good people that are out there.  From time to time I sell things on facebook marketplace.  When I do, I often check the profile of the person that I am selling something to, especially if they are coming to my home.

I almost always find good things on their profiles.  There are lots of good people yet in this world.  Last week, I found this self description on a person's profile.  [I substituted my name for theirs.  You can put your name in there as well if you like...]  Here is their self description...

I am Jeff

I am someone who does not judge others for being different.  

I am kind to everyone I meet, and I respect people regardless of who they are.  

I never hesitate to help those in need, and I never hesitate to give back even when there is nothing left for me.

I am Jeff

I loved it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

permission

I heard a very good sermon the other day by Rev. Daniel Hilty.  The core of his message was this... "we don't need the permission of others to love like Jesus loved."

I think that what he was driving at was the effects of peer pressure.  Maybe we have friends, family or coworkers that don't like a certain group of people.  In such a situation, there would be pressure on us to join in their distain of said group.  At least we would not feel comfortable to be nice to the folks that our friends, family or coworkers didn't like.

To this, the message was "rubbish."

We are people of love.  We know that we are to love.  We want to love.  There is no reason for us not to love.  We don't need anybody's permission to love others.

Just do it.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

Ugly

Please don't be ugly. There is no reason for it. We can be upset with someone and still be civil. My mom was not always civil, but she tried really hard to teach us to be civil.  If I heard it once, I heard it 1,000 times... "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

One of Jesus' very important sayings, as far as I am concerned is this, from the sermon on the mount... "Do not render evil for evil but overcome evil with good."

Sure, things happen. We get hurt. We get upset. We get testy. We get on edge. But we can still resist the urge to dump on other people.

Whenever possible, identify what is happening in your brain and stop yourself from saying those words. Or from saying those words in a hurtful manner.

Yes they hurt you or me, but we are not here to hurt people. Just becuase someone does it to me does not give me the right to hurt them back...

Let us break the chain and so make it a beautiful day in God's world.

what one thing

If Jesus only asked us one thing, what would it be? If he only wanted one thing, what would that one thing be?

Would it be to join the church? No. I am in favor of joining the church, but this would not be the one thing
Say prayers for people? No. This is good, but this is not the one thing.
Attend church? No.
Wear a cross? No.
Share your faith? No.
Listen to Christian music? Go on mission trips? Donate money? Believe in the trinity? Believe this or that?

There are tons of things that the church asks us to do. Some of it is good and some of it is worth supporting. But most of it is not the main thing. In fact, without the main thing, none of it matters.
Too many "Christians" have all of the peripherals, but have left out the main thing.

If Jesus could ask us to do one thing, what would it be? Love one another. LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

No prayers prayed, no checks written, no perfect attendance, no mission trips, no perfect beliefs will suffice for Christianity if there be no love.  Without love, it is not the faith of Jesus.

The famous theologian John Sherley once said, "and for those of us who are slow, Jesus made it easy when he said, love one another."

One thing.
One thing. One thing. One thing that we are asked to do. One thing.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

My opening statement...

They say that you only get one chance to make a first impression.

What is your first thought of the day?  What is the thought that rolls you out of bed and propels you throughout the day?

Some people get up in the morning and begin their whining about what is wrong.  My knees hurt.  I can't see like I used to.  Why can't I sleep better.  Why don't my kids call me.  On and one it goes.  Those who begin the day like this can count on a day that is measured by how things affect me.  The world revolves around me, and it better be good to me today or I am going to be upset.

There is another way to wake up in the morning...

What if we woke up and said, Good morning Lord!  Thanks for the opportunity to be alive.  Thank you for the wake up call.  Thank you for the ability to make a list for today.  May I show your kindness to every person that I encounter along the journey today.

How we begin the day will say so very much about how the rest of the day goes.  Our driving life principle can be one that is self centered or one that is self giving.

The choices that you make will drive the tenor of your life.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

More on prayer

Too often our prayers are filled with self interest...

Lord, please don't let my adult children move across the country.  I know that they have their own lives and their own ideas, but I would miss them too much.  Do you see how that prayer is about me?

Lord please help me have an easy recovery from this knee surgery.  That is definitely about me.

Sure it is fine to pray for what we want, but we need to keep in mind that God is not Santa Clause and God's job is not to solve all of our problems.

One of my favorite old sermon illustrations goes like this...  A woman was testifying in church... I want to offer praise to the good Lord today... back during the war, we prayed for God to keep us safe.  And he did!  All of the bombs fell on the other side of the city.  😲😲😲

If you are looking for something to pray that is healthy, I suggest this... Lord, thank you for the gift of this day.  May I show your kindness and love to every person that I come into contact with today.  May your grace fill me for every moment, the challenging ones and the glorious ones.  Thank you for the opportunity to be alive in your world.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

Prayers

A friend recently asked me to pray for someone who is transitioning into the end of life. This is a situation that we do not like and are not comfortable with. We know that we all will die one day and that our loved ones will all die, but we don't like watching it happen.

The impending loss of someone that we love, can be terrifying to our own sense of well being. What will we do without them? We don't want them to suffer. We don't want to lose them.

Yet the fact of the matter is that sometimes people begin to fail healthwise. Sometimes they can’t live where they used to live. Sometimes they can’t take care of themselves. Sometimes their health takes a serious turn for the worse.  Modern medicine has the ability to prolong life far longer than in the past.  I’ve been asked many times over the years to pray for people whose health is in decline.

One day I will be one of those people and so will you. So it’s good that we pray for them. Sometimes the families want me to pray that their loved one will be healed and live forever. Once someone asked me to pray for their grandmother - for their grandmother to get well. I asked how old her grandmother was - the answer... 92 years old.  

I do pray for those who are aging, and who are in failing health. And I am very appreciative that I am in relatively good health for being almost 66. It’s something to be thankful for, grateful for.

So let’s pray for those whose health is failing: "Lord please bless them, touch them in their body and their mind. Strengthen their hearts and their knees - ease the pain of arthritis. Give them clarity of thought and sight. But mostly let them know that you are with them. Let them know that they are not alone. Let them know that the God of the universe stands by their side. We pray for their recovery, for this is what we desire. But we also put our faith and trust in you, no matter what. May we find comfort in knowing that you are present with them and with us in every stage of the journey of life, in Jesus name. Amen."

Life is beautiful, but it does come to and end. Prayer can help us along the way. Trusting in God, no matter what, is always the best policy. May we all be grateful for our lives and the lives of our loved ones.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

Why we should listen to others

We should listen to other people because:

• they know things that we/I do not know.
• they know people that I do not know.
• they have connections that I do not have.
• they have ideas that I do not have.

Therefore, I can always be enriched if I spend some time listening to others.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.

I love this guy

I love this guy...

My friend John has been diagnosed with inclusion body myositis which is a neruo-muscular disease. He started a charitable organization to raise awareness regarding the disease. The web address is www.gettingup.org

He sends emails from time to time and I was so blessed by what he wrote one day last week... Here is his post:

I am so honored and so blessed to be given this opportunity to be on the scenic path of love. For many years, my ego and self righteousness drove my actions. If anyone contradicted me, I’d push back and fight harder. But, now I know that the tests and the struggles have all been blessings, especially now as I realize that I am not in control.

Love gives us the strength to endure the difficulties of life. This I say as a man with a disease that has no cure and no treatments.

God has not forsaken me but has blessed me more than ever. I look back over these 67 years and realize that we should all ride “gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream”. I trust all of us can find all the love that is around us, keep our eyes open and look for the love. Its there, it’s everywhere!

How ever much time each of us may have on this earth, and whether you’re a spiritual person or a secular person; it is love, love is all we need. Try it, what have we got to lose?  I'm on the scenic route to the end of this world and my eyes are open. I have many dear people in my life and each is a blessing. Thank you all!

I am not in control but I will do what I can to assist the best ways I can. This is just the beginning.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my lovely sister Julie!

First let me say a few words about the picture of her above.  This was taken in my room in 1973.  The poster on the right hand wall is a John Pitro "Overpopulation."  I still have a copy of it.  

For some reason, there is a small confederate flag on my bookshelf.  I guess back then, the confederate flag was acceptable in my home.  Not any more.  

The drapes... California - 1973.  

The yellow bird hanging on the spring on the left side of the picture is one of these:

Now back to my sister... Today is her birthday!

Julie is married to my brother in law Mark.  A great guy in his own right.  They have a lovely home in Vero Beach.  They live just down the road from us.

Family are those people whom you grew up with.  In our case, family are those people that you survived your family of origin with.

My sister is an animal lover.  She is a hard worker.  She is a cancer survivor.  She is fantastic.

Everyone deserves a day to be told that they are fantastic.  I hope that someone tells you today that you are fantastic!!!

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.