Marking Time.

Holidays are natural markers of time. I can tell you exactly where I was for the last four Fourths. I can even remember what I was feeling on each of those days. Four years ago, I was a little lonely. Three years ago, I was falling in love. Two years ago, I spent the Fourth with Tricia for the first time. Last year, we were soon to be married. Now, look at us. Newlyweds.

And today I’ll be down in the Branch serving Communion at 10:10. Will Willimon compares Communion to a Christian family dinner. Mysteriously, Christ is present with his family. Most of the time, I am strangely aware of his presence and of the special bond I share with my family gathered around the Communion table.

Four years ago, I didn’t feel this way.

Four years ago, I bought a Bible for myself. Growing up, I received a lot of Bibles from other people, but I bought this one just for me. Like I said, I was lonely. I wanted to know if Jesus had anything to say about what I was feeling. The other day, I was flipping through this Bible and I had written on the first page – the one usually reserved for whoever gave you the Bible. It was dated June 28, 2006. Under the “Occasion,” I wrote “Finding God for the 1st Time.”

Now, my understanding of that has changed a little bit. I would say that God found me. I would say that he continues to find me, and I see myself a little clearer in his light. When he finds me, he embraces me, but it is not always the soft embrace of a Mother. Often, it feels like the hard embrace of a Father who will not let go, no matter how hard I squirm.

But today is the day of the soft embrace. I sit still, and I consider all that has changed over the past four years. I have grown – sometimes steadily, and occasionally in anxious fits. There is plenty more growing to do, but I am here now, marking time and giving thanks to the One who finds me and holds on for dear life.

With love,

a young shepherd.