Monday, April 17, 2017

Stephen Wright

My buddy Dan loved the comedian Stephen Wright. If you are unfamiliar with his humor, here is a smattering of it. Dan sent me this collection some years ago.  This is a small part of what he sent me.... I hope it makes you smile.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked


Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

It's a beautiful day in God's world, be sure to see the good.


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Joanne Priester said...

Like - Good ones. Wright was right -on. :-)